Well, my lovelies, it's been a good 18 months since you've last heard from me. I'll admit, I needed a little me-time and kind of just checked out on the whole human race for awhile. Played some miraculous golf in a doubles tournament with Vishnu over at Astral Augusta and lost my shirt to Muhammad going all-in at the tables in Celestial Vegas. It felt great to take a break from listening to all those whiney prayers and living in hearts, and just play hookey for awhile.
So I've done what any Lord and Savior would in this situation, and I've taken to the town hall meetings and anti-reform demonstrations with two cleverly worded signs ("Down with Hellth Care Reform" and "I died for this?" with a photoshopped Obama in Joker paint), a bullhorn and a whole mess of tea bags jammed into my crown of thorns. Take that, Liberals!
I mean, these protestors hit the nail right through the hand when they compare advocates of an affordable Medicare-like public health insurance option to Nazis; Obama wants to see to it that 47 million uninsured Americans are able to afford coverage, and Hitler killed 6 million Jews. See the connection. It's as clear as the halo around my face.
But I realized I was dangerously out of the loop when Michael Jackson unexpectedly moonwalked through the Pearly Gates, and figured I'd better check back in with my most perfect creation. I'd hoped everything was coasting along fine without my divine hand holding it steady, but apparently you Earthlings looked back and saw I'd let go of your bicycle seat and you faceplanted right into the socialist sidewalk.
It would seem that my absence has led to the decay of civilization as we know it. My chosen nation, America, has had the wool pulled over its eyes and is on the brink of implementing a universal health care system, just like the rest of the industrialized world. I guess you could say I got here just in time.
So I've done what any Lord and Savior would in this situation, and I've taken to the town hall meetings and anti-reform demonstrations with two cleverly worded signs ("Down with Hellth Care Reform" and "I died for this?" with a photoshopped Obama in Joker paint), a bullhorn and a whole mess of tea bags jammed into my crown of thorns. Take that, Liberals!
I mean, these protestors hit the nail right through the hand when they compare advocates of an affordable Medicare-like public health insurance option to Nazis; Obama wants to see to it that 47 million uninsured Americans are able to afford coverage, and Hitler killed 6 million Jews. See the connection. It's as clear as the halo around my face.
Obama is obviously just using health care reform to turn America into a socialist nation. After all, when I said, "Whatsoever you do unto the least of these, you do to me," I wasn't referring to health insurance for illegal aliens. Just because I admonished you to love your neighbor as yourself, doesn't mean your tax dollars should help pay for their basic health care needs.
And if reform passes, the U.S. government will be able to pull the plug on Grandma. Imagine the horror of her Soul being released to the eternal bliss of paradise when she should instead be artificially kept alive in a persistent vegetative state for days or weeks with no hope of recovery, like I intended. And don't even get me started on the death panels, I've been before the Sanhedrin and trust me, it isn't pretty.
And if reform passes, the U.S. government will be able to pull the plug on Grandma. Imagine the horror of her Soul being released to the eternal bliss of paradise when she should instead be artificially kept alive in a persistent vegetative state for days or weeks with no hope of recovery, like I intended. And don't even get me started on the death panels, I've been before the Sanhedrin and trust me, it isn't pretty.
So get out there and don't be discouraged by anyone who seems to rationally argue in favor of reform. Just shout over them. Being loud is better than being right. The Word of the Lord.
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment