The Holy Ghost Haunts Like A Girl

So I saw that Paranormal Activity movie recently and it gave me an idea to cash-in big (and supplement my flagging collection-plate income):

Step 1: Set up video camera in my bedroom.

Step 2: Tell Mary Magdalene I want to talk about "us" and trick her into sleeping over for a few nights.

Step 3: Pay the Holy Ghost some piddly sum to slam some doors, flick the lights, and maybe possess Mags for awhile.

Step 4: Net $60 million.

Well, turns out the camera deal exposed two sobering realities: 1) I don't look as good doing the nasty as I thought, and 2) The Holy Ghost couldn't haunt his way out of a paper bag.

I mean, seriously, his idea of possession is making Mags blurt a few nonsense words and wiggle on the ground for awhile, then come away feeling renewed by a divine force. No unexplained wind or non-human footprints or burning Ouija Boards. Even his ominous whispering was hackneyed and don't get me started on his limp-wristed chandelier-swaying.

He cast a shadow in the shape of a dove, for crying out loud!

So my Supernatural Activity idea will never see the light of day. I guess I'll have to resume work on my animated project, Shroudy with a Chance of Preach Balls.