It's Time For Zombie Discrimination To End

With the box office success of Zombieland and proliferation of the living dead in literature such as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Zombie Haiku, you'd think people would view my resurrected brethren more favorably. Sadly, quite the opposite is true, as reanimated corpses are categorically depicted as brainless cannibals hellbent on macabre mayhem.

This is a stereotype, people, a rotten stereotype and this kind of blatant discrimination needs to end. The word zombie itself is a life-ist slur; Reanimated-American is the preferred nomenclature. The Z-Word is used routinely by the media to dehumanize the resurrected dead, while also finding a place in our lexicon as a synonym for mindless drone. Just because Christianity demands blind obedience and discourages free thought doesn't give you the right to name call.

Maybe take a second to think how your Lord and Savior, who also happens to be a reanimated corpse and who has reanimated others (I'm looking at you, Lazarus and Jairus' daughter), might feel about having my kind depicted so barbarically.

And it's a myth that the resurrection of the dead propagates from a rampant virus or radiation or other horrible pestilence. Ever stop to think maybe the dead rose by childlike faith? Just a thought, jerk-offs.

And need I remind you that at the end of days, you will all rise as zombies. No amount of shotguns, chainsaws, or boarded-up windows can save you from your fate, so you better start cleaning up your act now and treat us with a little respect. That means you, Woody Harrelson.