What, So Dad's Weather Isn't Good Enough For You Anymore, Is That It?

After millenia of you people bracing yourselves for Dad's earthquakes, chasing His tornadoes, and getting a little somethin'-somethin' during His sunsets, it's come to this.

The Weather Channel is going to start showing movies.

Now, I'll be the first to admit, Dad's weather-making may have lost a step. Back in the olden days, when His act was cutting edge, there was no telling what He'd cook up any given second .

Pillars of fire, plagues of blood or locusts, and tons of creepy fog with angels in it. When Joshua needed a few extra hours to kill more Canaanites, Dad made the flipping Sun stand still. This is the guy who invented swallowed-by-Earth; before Him, that wasn't even a thing people had to worry about.

He didn't fuck around.

But yes, He's slipping in his old age. Hell, He once exterminated all but eight of you people by making it rain for 40 days and 40 nights without breaking a sweat. Nowadays, He's lucky if his hurricanes and tsunamis take out a couple hundred-thou.

I guess this begs the age old question: is it better to burn out or fade away. Well, I can tell you one thing that's worse than both... getting bumped by George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg.