What To Get A Devil Who Has Everything

I still don't know what to get the Devil for Halloween.

I've been racking my brain for weeks now, but I'm stumped. He's already got all the really bad stuff: alcohol, drugs, pre-marital sex, the liberal media, war, pestilence, mule-coveting.

Now, I know what you're thinking, but the truth is that the Devil and I operate within an atmosphere of mutual respect. He's the Heath Ledger to my Christian Bale, I guess you could say. And for my birthday in Bethlehem he and King Herod teamed up to make a pretty big deal about it and ended up getting me, Mom, and Joe a trip to Egypt. He's always doing little things like that.

Most the religious holidays are centered around me, and ever since he and Dad had that falling out, I've felt kind of bad for the guy. Halloween's really the Devil's only time to shine. It's a big day for him, I know that, and it takes the perfectly dreadful present to keep him placated, or he's bound to unleash the anti-Christ.

He's already stopped playing with that swine flu pandemic I got him last year, so I've got to come up with something truly heinous this time around.

Right now I've got it narrowed down to the destruction of the world at the end of the Mayan calendar in 2012 or a pre-order of Entourage: The Complete Sixth Season on DVD.

Decisions, decisions.