You Used To Be Cool, Switzerland

What happened to you, Switzerland?

You used to be the world's bastion of neutrality. Never wanted to step in other people's shit. Tycoons who I blessed with billions of dollars could stash some away in your banks without fear of having to "give to Caesar what is Caesar's." Besides being a first-rate avenue to tax evasion, Swiss Bank Accounts were also super sneaky and badass. Now you're allowing The Man to poke holes in your banks like its your namesake cheese? That's shady, Switzerland.

And setting up Roman Polanski? What the hell was that about? Real neutral. You told him if he flew to Zurich he'd receive a lifetime achievement award, but didn't bother to mention that the lifetime achievement was child rape and the award was jail. You didn't feel up to fighting Nazis in WWII but you take down the guy who directed The Pianist?

That's an asshole move right there.

Impeccable taste in flag emblems aside, you need to straighten up and fly right, Switzerland, or I'll burn my copy of Heidi. All you've got going for you right now is Roger Federer, and he's even getting fined for using my name in vain at a line judge.

Not too good, Switzerland. The hills are alive with the sound of me kicking your ass.