I Admit It, ShamWow Most Perfect Creation

Some douchey college kid thought it'd be hilarious to parody the ubiquitous ShamWow commercials. Not especially funny, but it did catch my attention since he uses my name in vain frequently during it. While he may be hell-bound, he does have a point. Those commercials scooge over how that piece of cloth is the most absorbent thing on the planet.

And you know what, it fucking is.

I decided to pick up a few of my own (thank Dad I called within twenty minutes of the commercial and got the special offer) and I'm blown away. They are without a doubt the most perfect creation spawned by Dad's most perfect creation. So I feel like a new uncle every time I wipe something.

I don't care if their spokesman beats up hookers in $750 a night hotels, the Shamwow works.

Tired of wasting all that paper towel cleaning up those pesky holy water spills? Wish there was something better than a cluster of tampons to cram into your gushing stigmata? Need a quicker way to towel dry after your priest anoints you with oil?

The Shamwow holds twelve times its weight in liquid, and I had twelve apostles. Coincidence? I think not. Douchey college kid was right.