Ye Shall Not Perish But Have Second Life

All these years, people have been misinterpreting my work. I may just be the most misunderstood only begotten Son of God out there. Love your enemies somehow became kill the heathens . Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to, I know, but still. Annoying.

And one need look no further for the greatest twisting of my words than John 3:16. All along, people have been under the misguided impression that whosoever believeth in me shall have everlasting life, when what I actually said was "shall have Second Life", the interactive online virtual community.

An avatar in my likeness also happens to constitute my Second Coming, so... two birds of the air, one cast stone. For those Doubting Thomases out there who think a web-based program designed to keep people with no lives entertained while remaining immobile for days on end is a pretty lame message to be repeated ad naseum on everything from billboards to Tim Tebow's eye black, I couldn't agree more. But eternal truth is eternal truth.

So my advice would be to give this nugget of wisdom a rest, and focus more on some of my neglected work, like "judge not lest ye be judged." That could use some attention. A Christian without judgment of others is like a leper without festering sores.

Take comfort in the fact that Dad so loved the world that as long as you believe in me, while your physical body may atrophy due lack of use and a Cheetos-centric diet, your SL avatar is everlasting.