Darwin's Toasted Image Rattles My Faith In Baseless Conjecture

I gotta admit, this creeped me out.

There I was making myself a sensible breakfast, minding my own Dad-damn business, when I look down at my toast and Charles Darwin's smug mug is peeping back at me.

Nice guy, Chuck, but I've always taken him with a grain of salt. It's insulting to my half-human heritage to imagine mortals evolving from something as lowly and filthy as primates.

Everyone knows Dad created them from dust.

But likenesses toasted into bread automatically validate that person's theories. It's in the Bible (somewhere in the back). So I got to wondering whether Dad's "because I said so" explanation of the universe's origin was as airtight as I'd always thought.

Now I don't know what to believe. I mean, these days He has trouble boiling water (thankfully, global warming is helping him out there), so it's difficult to picture Him cooking up the entire universe in only six days. And this is the same guy who wrote the first four commandments about Himself, so He's got kind of an ego. Besides, he's always been prone to embellishment. The way he tells it, Mom had jugs like Mount Sinai when he immaculately knocked her up.

So anyway, I'm really starting to wonder if it's possible modern science is more factually accurate than ancient lore passed down from sexless scribes who thought the Earth was flat.

I'd ask Dad but he's spending the week building an alien race out of lint somewhere.