I Eat Flying Spaghetti Monsters 4 Dinner

I don't know who this punk thinks he is. I was walking on water when he was still boiling in a pot somewhere, and yet the so-called Flying Spaghetti Monster has cornered the market on satire and irony.

I used to be the guy challenging the establishment and promoting the heresy of free thought. I was crucified for it for Dad's sakes. I know my followers have gone off the deep end with the whole teaching creationism in science classes thing, but I could have dealt with it myself, there's no need to conjure up this starchy Savior to replace my own sense of snark.

But whatever, I'm not worried. I may have lost the wittiest of you mortals, but I still have my hoard of humorless followers who believe baby dinosaurs fit onto Noah's Ark.