Why No Hymns at the Grammys?

The Grammys are idolatry. There I said it.

And yes, I know that in the past I've been very supportive of the Grammys, especially when my homeboy Kanye West performed "Jesus Walks" at the 2007 show.

But since then, the Grammys have devolved into some sort of twisted pagan rite. One needs look no further than Lady Gaga, my arch-nemesis, who again stole from Dad's Word with her thrown into a fiery furnace bit last night.

Most notably, I haven't seen a single hymn nominated for a Grammy. Sure, most hymns are performed by tone deaf parishioners on Sunday mornings and not by multi-platinum recording artists, but that doesn't mean they should just be excluded altogether.

They don't even need to be proper hymns, necessarily, just songs about Me. And yeah-yeah, I know I have gospel music's Dove Awards, which feature nothing but songs about Me. But please, there's no paparazzi at the freakin' Dove Awards.

So for next year, I'm going to do what it takes to get My name back in the Grammys. I'll send Gabriel to manifest in a pillar of flame before a few choice artists and make them an offer they can't refuse: either rework their songs until they're about Me, or lose their first born to the Angel of Death.

Perhaps that seems a bit harsh, but the music industry is cut throat, after all.

Here's a handful of songs I have in mind:

Green Day - 23rd Psalm

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Him

Beyonce - Savior Babies (Put a Crown on It)

Jason Mraz - Make It Divine

Bon Jovi - We Were Born to Follow